Holy Water
by padfootgurl89
Summary: Spike knows that Buffy was in heaven. She's tired of being strong. songfic to holy water. please give it a shot.


**A/N: Hi! This is my first Buffy fic and my first song-fic so I hope you like it. This takes place after 'Afterlife' in season 6 and before 'Once More With Feeling', just to give you a time period. The song 'Holy Water' is preformed by Big and Rich. If you haven't heard the song, you should, it's really pretty. I know that they wrote it about rape, but it seemed to fit this story so well. Thanks for reading! Luvs, Padfootgurl89**

**Holy Water**

_Somewhere there's a stolen halo,_

_I used to watch her wear it well._

'Do her 'friends' even know what they _did_?' Spike thought angrily. 'The witch messing with forces she doesn't understand.' In anger, Spike kicked a rock. 'And why do I have this bloody song stuck in my head?'

_Everything would shine, wherever she would go,_

_But looking at her now you couldn't tell._

"She died savingall of us_again_, but they couldn't just let her rest. Let the next Slayer come in and take over." Spike muttered fiercely. "Those selfish bastards wanted, needed her back. Hell I wanted her back, but you don't see me messing around with resurrection spells, at least not this time. I learned my lesson. They pulled her out Heaven. Granted they don't know that, but still they went and pulled her out of a wonderful place, at least she made it sound wonderful.

"She's back, I can't say that I didn't dream about her return, but I dreamed about her coming back the way she left. I wanted her to come back and tell me off for letting the Bit hang out with me. I wanted her to be happy, and now she obviously isn't.

"Why'd I have to fall for _her_?" Spike growled. "Why'd I have to fall in love with Buffy? Why couldn't things have just been easy? Why couldn't things be the way they were when we first met? Things were easy then. I'm a Vamp, She's a Slayer, we battle until one of us is dead. So why couldn't either of us ever finish the job?"

_Someone ran away with her innocence,_

_A memory she can't get out of her head._

At a small, run down bar, Buffy's working on her third beer and listening to the off key music of a beat up juke box. She sighs. This song fit her perfectly.

'I lost my innocence at fifteen, the night I became a Slayer. The night that I learned that my dreams no longer mattered, unless the dream was killing Vamps or saving the world. Unless they mean the other kind of innocence, in which case I lost that at seventeen. That worked out well. Angle lost his soul, tried to destroy the world, I sent him to a Hell dimension. I loved him, but the more I think about it now, the more I feel like he was right. I was too young to know what I wanted. Innocence, I just never could keep that.' Buffy thought sadly.

_I can only imagine what she's feeling, when she's praying,_

_Kneeling at the edge of her bed._

'There's so much wrong right now, with me, with life in general. What did I do to deserve being pulled out of that wonderful place? Didn't I do my 'job' to the very end? Didn't they know that I was ready to be done? Why couldn't they have just let me be?

'Every night, before going to sleep, I promise myself that I won't think about Heaven anymore, and every day I find myself clinging to the memory of it more. I should move on, but it's just too hard.' Buffy thought downing the last of her beer and suppressing a sob.

_And she says take me away and take me farther, _

_Surround me now_

_And hold, hold, hold me like holy water._

_Holy water_

"I better try and find her. No telling what kind of trouble she could be getting herself into. She may not want me around, but let's face it; I'm the only one that can help her now." Spike said his voice softening as he thought about her.

"'Nother one." The bartender asked gruffly.

"N-no th-thanks." Buffy stuttered holding back tears.

'I've got to get out of here. Need fresh air.' Buffy thought as she all but ran out of the skanky bar.

_She wants someone to call her their angle,_

_Someone to put the light back in her eyes._

"Bollocks." Spike grumbled as he left the last bar. He had checked everywhere that Buffy would have gone, and he still hadn't found her. "She can only be so many places in this bloody town." Spike muttered preparing to head back to his crypt. He froze when he heard sniffling coming from the dark ally. "Luv?"

_She's looking through the faces,_

_And the unfamiliar places._

Buffy looked up, her eyes full of tears. For once she didn't try to stem the tears. For once she was glad to see the chipped Vamp.

"Spike." Buffy whispered. Her voice was full of emotion, of fear, and of- could it be- need.

_She needs someone to hear her when she cries._

'What have we done to you?' Spike thought sadly as he moved closer to 'his' Slayer.

"It's alright, Luv. Let it all out." Spike murmured comfortingly.

_And she says take me away and take me farther,_

_Surround me now,_

_And hold, hold, hold me like holy water._

_Holy water._

With only a moment's hesitation, Spike pulled Buffy close to him. She immediately buried her head in his chest, the tears coming harder now. Spike had given up trying to comfort her with words, knowing that being there was the most comfort he could offer at the moment.

'I'm holding her like I have wanted to do for so long; and somehow it means more than I would have imagined. Comforting her means so much more than 'doing' her. Life is so screwed up sometimes.' Spike thought.

Buffy could feel Spike's chest rising and falling comfortingly. She knew it was just instinct, since he didn't need to breathe anymore. The fact that he was with her at the moment made her feel better.

'He has changed so much, and I have been blind to it all. He tried to protect Dawn and me, and he was still looking out for Dawn after I died. How could I have treated him so awful? He's the only one who truly understands. Who would have thought three years ago that I'd be turning to Spike for comfort?' Buffy thought as she started to calm down.

_She just needs a little help,_

_To wash away the pain she's felt._

_She wants to feel the healing hands, _

_Of someone who understands._

"It's all broken." Buffy muttered.

"Shh, Luv. Don't worry about it. I'm here, I'll help fix it." Spike said rubbing her back.

"I'm so lost. I don't know what to do anymore." Buffy continued.

"Just let go. Let someone else pick up the pieces for once." Spike murmured into his Slayer's ear.

"You'll stay?" Buffy asked in a small voice.

"For as long as you want me, Pet. For as long as you want." Spike answered.

_And she says take me away and take me farther,_

_Surround me now,_

_And hold, hold, hold me _

_And she says take me away and take me farther,_

_Surround me now,_

_And hold, hold, hold me like holy water._

_Like holy water_

Buffy's crying had long since stopped. Spike had taken her back to his crypt, knowing that she didn't want to face her friends. He was tucking her into his bed and preparing to leave.

"Will you stay?" Buffy asked quietly.

"Of course, Luv." Spike said grabbing a chair.

"No." Buffy said causing Spike to jump. "I need you. Will you just- just hold me?" Buff asked.

"Forever." Spike replied kissing her forehead tenderly.


End file.
